The initial blow when I heard my children didn’t want to talk to me anymore was hard.  As I mentioned before, I ended up in psych wards and eventually homeless.  I was in despair.  But I eventually found a home at the Salvation Army.  They have a program for adult males called the Adult Rehab Center (ARC).  I went through the 6 month program.  I slowly worked my way up through the ranks and eventually attained the status of House Man.  That meant I was in charge of security, house cleaning and all new entries. It was a minor accomplishment, but it proved to me that I can succeed.

After leaving the ARC, I moved in with my girlfriend and started my job search.  I eventually found a job programming in C++ (which I had to learn quickly). Working for a real company was the best thing for me. I even attended college in my spare time. Life hasn’t been all roses though.  After a few years, the job disappeared and I ended up going several months unemployed again.  It culminated with me going to jail for a few weeks of non-payment on child support.  That was an eye opener.  After I got out, I got a job at the local Starbucks. Child support was getting covered. Not long after that, a recruiter contacted me about a job in my original field of programming. It’s hard to maintain my job since its in OKC and I live in DFW.  I do what I need to do.

Maybe that’s the jist of my ranting today.  I have done all I can do so when my children reach out to me, I can look them square in the eye and know I’ve done the best I can despite how much I get knocked down.  In every effort, I’ve succeeded. So, I’ll continue to write letters to them every day.  I’ll show up for work.  I’ll write software and algorithms.  I’ll wait for them.

I won’t give up on myself. That’s how I survive alienation.