I lived with my ex for 14 years and had two beautiful children with her. To keep the relationship going, I subscribed to her views on religion, politics, and pretty much everything. I basically tried to be the person she wanted to be with instead of the person I am. This meant excluding my birth family from my life. After 14 years, it became too much and I cracked. I took the family van for a week and went to see my parents for the first time since we were married. My children were 7 and 5 at the time. By the time I got back home from my trip, she had packed up and left for her own parents with the children. That was the last time I’ve seen them in almost 9 years.
She took my daughter to the doctor for an examination claiming sexual abuse and made all kinds of allegations that weren’t true. The doctor confirmed there was no evidence to prove her accusations. As a result, CPS got involved. The ex wouldn’t let them interview my daughter which threw up more red flags. By this time I was still trying to maintain my job in Alabama and hold it together (not too successfully). When the CPS started putting pressure on her, she left her parents house in Louisiana and sought help at a woman’s shelter in Texas. I called CPS first to let them know I am willing to help in any way with an investigation if she made the claim. Months later, I finally got the letter from them clearing me of all allegations. During this time she went “underground” with the help of the shelter, which made it impossible for me to serve divorce papers. All this time she was with the kids, they got a constant barrage of how bad Daddy is… run if you ever see him.
In the time it took for me to finally have the papers served (2 years), I abandoned my house in Alabama and moved back in with my parents. I got my act together enough to pick up a few contracts to keep the income rolling, but didn’t perform well. My alcoholism kicked into high gear. The results from the divorce were devastating. The Child Support was based on my contract rate ($1400/month) and I was only allowed supervised visitation just because allegations were made… whether or not they could be proven. The first thing that happened was the supervisory group questioned the children. After two years with their mother, they said they were afraid of me and didn’t want to see me. That was all it took. I was denied any visitation. I lost it.
I spent the next year homeless. I was devastated. I ended up in the Salvation Army in Fort Worth which saved my life. Since then, I’ve been able to get back on my feet. I’ve met an incredible woman that supports and understands me. The ex thinks she’s hiding from me, but I know where the children are. This last year, I’ve started writing letters. I probably have enough ammunition to go after them legally, but in my heart, I know I need for them to find me. They are 15 and 13 now. I can only hope they are giving their mother hell while in puberty. So I write a letter every day and post it to my other blog. If you Google either of their names (Joseph Randel and Lucia Randel), they show up on the first page of results. That is my hope.
Parental Alienation is a devastating process that rips people apart. It destroyed me. I can only hope my children fare better. At least I get grade cards showing they are making A’s in school. I’ve only recently learned about Parental Alienation. I only wish I would have known more about it earlier in the process. There are a lot of resources available on the web to help deal with it. I’m afraid it’s too late in my process for repair. As I already said, my only hope is that my children will find my website and respond. It’s so important to me that they know I never left them or abandoned them. A day hasn’t gone by that I don’t think about them.
That’s my story.
Living Life Better Blog 
Reblogged this on PARENTS HEALING FROM ESTRANGEMENT and commented:
” I’ve only recently learned about Parental Alienation. I only wish I would have known more about it earlier in the process. ” – read on. …..
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I’ve only recently become aware that I wasn’t alone. My heart goes out to the parents and children that suffer.
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Reblogged this on World4Justice : NOW! Lobby Forum..
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Hi Mark,
I’m reading your blog and your situation is so similar to mine, both emotionally as well as from the same part of the country (Alabama) that I just felt I had to say something to you.
Of course blogging is very intimate and sometimes people read blogs like ours and something in their mind tells them they KNOW us. When of course, they do not. Some of these people feel the need to offer advice like, “move on”, “get counseling”, “hire a lawyer”, “”take some pills (some may even seem to suggest a handful of pills to end my misery {of course I always assume those messages are coming from YOUknowWHO}) and on and on… The fact is these people are mostly well intentioned, yet until they become you (or me) they can’t even fathom the depth of the pain and anguish people who, through no real fault of their own anyway, feel.
I have no idea how someone could molest their child or any child, so I am not talking about a menace to the child, I’m talking about a parent who has committed the crime of realizing their marriage was broken and rather than remain in that unhealthy situation, has left the marriage. Never dreaming of course that the act of trying to save your own sanity and keeping a positive outlook for a bright future by leaving a hurtful relationship would destroy the love between parent and child; maybe forever. Not knowing the shallow depths the other parent would be willing to sink to in order to hurt parents like us, and their own children in the process, just to satisfy something dark that is really beyond my comprehension, some deep desire to cause us pain. Deeply wound us.
When I finally left I had been with my husband 16 years and we had 4 kids. There is NO ONE on this earth who knows me better except for perhaps my mother. Of course his knowledge only helped to make it easy for him to hurt me, mostly psychologically.
How did I NOT SEE THIS COMING? How did you miss it? I can’t imagine the man I married doing, saying, or acting as evil as he did once we broke up. I still wonder WHO IS HE? Is he an imposter? Because the man I fell in love with was never so vicious. Do you wonder that too?
I know your pain. I feel my pain, even now, 13 years later. It doesn’t get better but in my experience I GET STRONGER. I have also remarried and have a great spouse. I trust him a lot, but I wonder sometimes if I hold back on my trust as a defense mechanism just in case….?
Ther is no good advice from me to you, but can I ask you to PLEASE KEEP BLOGGING. Not very many of us can do this. It takes effort to relive the pain, and when I write I DO relive it.
It also takes the ability to be somewhat entertaining, which for me is to toss in some sarcasm, a bit of humor, some self loathing (which I have plenty of but don’t really like sharing), and finally some cliff hangers to keep my readers coming back.
If you promise to keep blogging, I promise to keep reading.
Deal?
Leah
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Reblogged this on MyDivorcePain and commented:
Meet Mark,
He also was divorced and then alienated..like me He was living in Alabama prior to the breakup. Like me he blogs his pain. If enough of us blog well, tell the world about the devastation of alienation, on the children and the estranged parent, maybe we can start to see the alienating parents and their accomplices facing real punishment, something that at least comes close to the pain they cause those they hurt.
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