I’m very split after hearing a report this morning on NPR. ESPN will be airing a documentary this coming Sunday concerning the Duke Lacrosse team scandal from a few years ago. When the story broke back then, the three Duke players were crucified publicly because of one woman’s testimony. But then the public story died. What wasn’t reported nearly as widely was that the three men were found not guilty due to no evidence. None. Not even DNA evidence. This only happened after the head coach resigned and the season was ended. One woman was able to bring an entire school to its knees without any evidence.

Here’s the reason I’m split. Sexual violence is a horrible crime. It should never go unpunished. Too many times, the victim is so emotionally damaged it is difficult to come forward. This is a challenge we face as a society to support and help victims. But when someone abuses the system to their own personal advantage, it is a travesty. This in my opinion does more damage than the original crime. It only throws more confusion and doubt into the mix.

Having been falsely accused, I can tell you the reader that it is a life changing event. Despite being innocent of any accusation (and proven so), I still carry the wounds. I loved my children very much. Tomorrow will be the ten-year anniversary since I’ve last seen them. The hole in my life without them is immeasurable. It’s taken me this long to recover to be able to talk openly about it. I’ve had to dig myself out of addiction and emotional trauma to become a functioning member of society. This is a crime! My ex was able to ensure her position as sole parent to my children with a vicious and selfish action that affected not only my life, but also my children. They have spent the last ten years under the influence of a woman telling them that their father is dangerous. She makes sure they don’t use social media. She keeps them hidden “for their own safety”. All this to ensure they never hear the other side of the story.

Well here it is. She committed a crime that won’t ever be prosecuted. Her actions only make it harder to take a serious charge of abuse seriously. There is not one single result of her actions that helped anyone but herself. I’ve been told it would be easier in life if I could find forgiveness for her. I’ve tried. I really have. But in my heart, I don’t think I will ever be able to forgive Mary for what she did.

So when an accusation of sexual abuse comes up in the media, it’s horrible to think that no matter the circumstances, there will always be doubt about the “victim’s” accusations. Why people that are proven to accuse falsely aren’t prosecuted is beyond me. In the end, we will never know the truth about the majority of these things.