This morning thoughts of Dad came up. Memories of spending the last week of his life with him. I remember forcing the anti-seizure medications in him even though he could barely swallow any more. I remember watching him gasp for air towards the end. Worst of all I remember helping the coroner move his body out of the room after he passed.

Why do I bring this up? I alienated him for 14 years. My ex-wife persuaded me to believe some very bad things about my parents. She gave me an ultimatum of her or them. I chose her. I said some very ugly things to my parents to force them away. It took me 14 years to reach out to them again. And as my ex promised, she left me on the site.

In the end, I alienated my own family. My brother still holds a resentment that will likely never be forgiven. Now I’m suffering the same fate I delivered to my own parents. Nine years and counting since I’ve seen my children.

All I know is if my own parents could forgive me and allow me to be by their sides at their time of death, I have to hope my own children will see past the corruption of emotions and seek me out.

Dad taught me some very important lessons in life. He is the standard I hold myself to. Every morning, I wish I could talk to him, so I do in my head. It’s been over a year since he passed and two since Mom died. I’m an orphan.

But I have a new wife who is supportive and loving. Two step daughters that are always causing trouble. I have a family. I’m sure that is what Dad would have wanted for me. So, I’ll keep blogging and writing letters to my children. I’ll keep going to the doctor’s to stay healthy for when they do reach out, I’ll be here.

I miss you Dad.