Dealing with my son’s 16th birthday was hard enough. I write a blog with a letter to them every day. This morning I was faced with a hard reality. I want them to rile against their mother. I want them to hate her for the injustice she has done to them. How dare she take away their father from their lives?

Then I thought. Do I want to use hate and anger? What part did I have to play in this? I’m just as guilty of the sins that brought us to this point. Additionally, if I start talking badly about their mother, how am I any different than she is?

The hardest part is to admit my own guilt. I drank the kool-aid and participated in the madness.  Only when I woke up, she took the kids and started her work on them.  I’ll probably never forgive myself for my mistakes.

• There are a few things I’ve learned over the last 9 years:
• The world isn’t going to end in a great big boom
• Teen-agers have their own agenda
• Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems (just delays them)
• If the world does end, it doesn’t matter where I am. I’ll either live or die
• I love my children with all my heart!!

That’s what I’ve learned.