It was a joke.

It’s been years now my children were stolen.

Not a day goes by I don’t think of them a dozen times.

I wonder how they are doing. What they look like. Who they are becoming.

Do they think about me? Do they think I just abandoned them? Do they hate me?

A couple times a week I think of what my ex did, all the lies, and the courts willingness to just accept them, to just shut me out.

But when I do I suffer almost rehabilitating anxiety/panic attacks.

This has been going on for years. I don’t know how much longer I can live like this.

It’s just a living hell everyday. Day after day. Week after week. Month after month. The years tick by, and I just want it all to end.

Please….

How do I stop the pain?

How do I shut it off and move on?”