It’s time to move on to Step 3. Here is how it reads:

Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

The first thing I would like to point out in this step is the lack of the word “We” at the beginning. It’s only present in the first step, but is implied through the rest of the steps. Earlier, I recommended working with a sponsor through the steps. As you continue, the topics get a little trickier and more involved. Typically, on a daily basis, it’s a good idea to discuss matters with someone else that has a good understanding of the 12 step process. It’s virtually impossible to do these things solo. After all, I’m reminded that my own best efforts left me homeless… maybe it’s time I take advice from someone else.

Another item to point out is the last phrase of the step… “as we understood Him.” In the original text, these words are italicized just to make sure that no one religion or faith is implied. Even though the original authors of the 12 steps were Christian, they were diligent to make sure no one felt excluded. As a result, God is frequently referred to as a Higher Power. As I believe it, I choose to use the name “God” in describing the higher power of my understanding, but feel free to interpret as whatever higher power you believe in.

More on the topic of the step itself, step 3 is another big challenge for the professed agnostic or atheist. The idea of completely handing over all aspects of my life to an intangible force seems impossible and ridiculous. But, it is absolutely necessary to proceed further. Many alcoholics in recovery use this step as a reason to opt out of the program. In fact, Chapter 3 of the AA Big Book is devoted entirely to this step. I strongly recommend reading this chapter to EVERYONE going through these steps. Those that already believe in God will find it a good grounding for understanding the context of how it’s applied.

An interesting thing to note is in my experience, I have found it’s frequently easier for the non-believer to embrace this step than the believer. There are several reasons that come to mind as to the reason why, but the one that sticks most is the “rebirth” aspect. The 12-steps are a process of learning to live in a new way. If you find yourself using “old” techniques to live in a “new” way, you might find yourself making all the “old” mistakes. So, when doing this step, try to keep an open mind and be willing to “start fresh”.

Almost everything I’ve been writing so far in previous sections lead to this step. For me to recognize how little control I have is one form of being willing to hand over the control in my life to a higher power. As a matter of fact, my entire life is now in the hands of God if I’ve been doing everything I’ve taught to this point. So, I’m done… right?

Not really. There is one little word that makes this another tough pill to swallow… my “will”. Oi… So what does it mean exactly to turn my will over to God? To start with, it does NOT refer to a piece of paper that gives all your stuff away when you die. It does mean your thoughts and actions. We try to be more “Godlike” by subscribing to this tenant.

There’s a popular phrase used by Christians that says, “What Would Jesus Do?” It’s used in an effort to get one to question one’s motives and actions and make sure it would be in accord with the teachings of Jesus Christ. Since this is NOT meant to be exclusive to any religion or faith, this can be modified to just ask, “What Would God Think?” In many meetings I’ve heard an even simpler version of this that applies equally as well… “Do the next right thing.”

I’ve already addressed how to monitor your thoughts and behaviors as opposed to your emotions. So as I start to have thoughts about things, I try to ask myself if my motives are clear and if this is what God would have me think and do. At first, I felt like I was going a bit nuts. This is the point where it REALLY helps to have a sponsor to call or talk to and bounce these things off them. It’s very important to realize that while learning to live this step, we are recognizing that our own will is flawed and can only lead to ruin if left of its own accord.

Another very important thing to recognize here is this is the first time while going through the steps we’ve been asked to take action. In the first step, we only “admitted” there is a problem. In the second step, we only had to “come to believe”. We really didn’t have to DO anything. Here we are asked to “make a decision”. This shouldn’t be done lightly or too quickly. We are asked to commit ourselves to a new and better way of life that is typically alien to what we have been used to. The best way I know to do this and stick to it is to say the Third Step Prayer every morning before I start the day. This is one of many prayers found sprinkled throughout the AA Big Book.

God, I offer myself to Thee – To build with me and do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of Life. May I do Thy Will always.

I love the way this prayer takes all the attention away from myself and redirects it to God.

Footnote: If you’re like me, you might have difficulties with the saying “Do the next right thing.” What is the next right thing? How do I know if I’m choosing the right thing or not? The pressure is immense. Instead, I change it just a tad to make it easier… “Do the next thing right.” 😀