Up until now I’ve focused on the acceptance of my powerlessness and how my life was unmanageable. Once that has been truly accepted, I’m ready to move on to the second step. Here is how it reads from the AA steps:

Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Notice that alcohol isn’t even mentioned here. As a matter of fact, it is ONLY mentioned in the first step. Maybe the problem isn’t with alcohol as much as it’s a problem with ME. That’s why these steps work so well for almost everyone.

As with all the steps, the second step looks straight forward on the first glance. But if I REALLY look at it, it’s a whopper… especially with my atheist/ agnostic background. So, I need a bit of help or incentive to swallow the first half. I’ll look at the second half first. “Could restore us to sanity.” By simple logic, this infers that I’m NOT sane now. To some, that’s an easy observation, but from within the “cage” of my mind, I make perfect sense. I can’t be insane. Or am I?

I read the Serenity Prayer and saw how much sense it made. Surely it’s just a simple matter of releasing my attempts at control and trust in God… but, not in the little things. I’ll hold on to that. Or maybe I’ll handle this “thing” better. And before I know it, I’m trying to run the whole show again. How did I get back to this point. It seems I’m right at the beginning again. I still know I’m powerless, but I keep trying to be in power.

Insanity: performing the same action over and over expecting a different result.

Hmmm…. that sounds familiar. Insanity doesn’t have to mean I’m in a “special” room with a cool white jacket with straps. It just means I’m not performing sane actions. Logic concludes that if I attempt an action that failed last time and don’t change anything, it will fail again. So why do I keep doing it? I’m not sane. That wasn’t hard.

Now before I tackle the pesky “Power” part, I’m going to look at the step a bit differently. “Came to believe…” It almost sounds like a tent revival should be surrounding it. But the only thing this step is asking me to do is come to believe it. I don’t have to stop my acts of insanity… just believe that something can help. Ahhhh… ok. This I can swallow easier.

Another change of gears… (swallowing a big God pill)

If I’m walking through a pasture of wheat and look down to see a stop watch, I’m posed with a quandary… Did that watch just happen to occur as a random happenstance of molecular collection? Or, did someone make that watch and drop it here in the field? That is easy, there MUST be a watch maker. Now I apply that same question to a single one cell amoeba, an object of infinite more complexity than a simple watch. Did it just occur by a random act or, was there a “maker”? And then I look at my life, body, society and world… there is a Maker. There must be.

Now I’m armed to take on the full step… I came to believe… (yes, I do believe) that a Power greater than me… (Whom I will name God) can restore me to sanity. When I really let it soak in, I’m almost exhausted when i realize how much I’ve been holding on to my insane actions. All I have to do here is recognize that God is going to help me. I don’t have to do it on my own. And as with all the steps… here’s the rub… I CAN’T do it on my own. My best efforts had me locked in a psych ward and later living in a tent. Maybe God’s way is a better way than mine. BOOM… I just did step two by coming to that belief.